3月17日：女兒給爸爸的話

剛剛和在夏威夷的大學同學Melinda講了三個小時的電話。她的先生今年一月初過世，這一電話我也等到今天才打給她。她問我這一通電話不是要花很多錢？我告訴她，這比去看她的機票費便宜多了。今天，我們聊到她還在悲傷期(griefing period)，我拿我母親過世的經驗告訴她，親愛的人過世這一個悲傷期會是一輩子的事，我們可以從這一個悲傷期裡頭學到很多的成長和成熟，同時在我們的人生當中繼續去過我們要的人生。我母親的過世，我的悲傷期是在過去幾年才得以開始。在那之前，我對我母親過世沒有任何悲傷的感覺，一直到我看見了是我的自責讓我到不了悲傷的階段。去年，我的悲傷期才算是開始。


Melinda有一個15歲的女兒。在他父親的告別式上，當著五百人的面前，讀出了她自己寫給紀念父親的祭文。聽Melinda講，在她女兒之前，上去的都是他先生的朋友，每一個念自己寫的紀念文的人都哭了。當她的女兒最後上台時，Melinda怕女兒承受不住，問她會不會哭？她可以嗎？女兒告訴她，她沒問題。


這一篇女兒給爸爸的文章，我問Melinda我可不可以把它翻成中文，在我的部落格分享。她欣然同意了。所以，今天我把它翻成中文，同時附上英文原文，在這裡也算是懷念在我心裡的這一位讓人難忘的Keane。


晚安。我的名字叫伊莎貝兒。岡。我是Keane和Melinda的女兒。我十四歲，快十五歲了，我就是那一個希望她的父親能一路支持她完成高中，恨她的第一位男友，教她開車，參加她的畢業典禮，然後對她高昂的大學學費抱怨的人－如果我上的了的話。我是那一個希望能看著她的父母一起變老，假日拜訪他們和他們一起吃晚餐，在她的婚禮上，由她的父親在她的婚禮上帶這她走過那一條紅毯的人。剛好我也是那一個永遠經歷不到這一切的人，因為剛剛好一年又兩天之前，爸爸被診斷出罹患了致命的胰臟癌。過去這一年，2009，不用說，是一個挑戰。它是一場充滿著醫生的失望。淚水和壞消息的漩渦。八月的時候，爸爸的癌細胞擴散到了他的肝臟，到了十一月的時候，他的癌細胞已經多到連他的醫師都懶的算了。到了2009年12月9日，爸爸住進了聖法蘭西斯的安寧病房。十七天之後，大約在下午四點鐘，在我和我媽媽和其他的親朋好友的陪侍身旁，他平靜的走了。
Good evening. My name is Isabelle Oka, and I am Keane and Melinda’s daughter. I am fourteen years old, almost fifteen, and I’m the one who hopes for her father to support her through high school, hate her first boyfriend, teach her to drive, attend her graduation, and complain about how much her college tuition costs - if I get in, that is. I’m the one who wants to watch her parents grow old together, visit them for holiday dinners, and have her father walk her down the aisle at her wedding. I also happen to be the one who won’t experience any of this, because exactly one year and two days ago, my dad was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. This past year, 2009, was, to say the least, a challenge. It was a whirlwind of doctor’s appointments, tears, and bad news. In August my dad’s cancer had metastasized to his liver, and by November there were so many tumors that his doctors didn’t even bother to count them all. On December 9, 2009, Dad was admitted to St. Francis Hospice. Seventeen days later, right around 4 p.m., my dad passed away peacefully with me, my mom, and many other close family and friends by his side.

但在爸爸最後的日子裡，他告訴我他是永遠不會離開我的。雖然他沒有時間教會我他想要我會的每一件事，他告訴我如果我需要指引，我只要想一下換成是他的話，會怎麼做。但在我這十四年裡頭，爸爸已經教會我很多的事。不只是技巧上的，比如怎樣射槍，怎樣用電腦，或是砌牆壁，還有真實人生的學習。
But in what would be his final days, my Dad told me that he would never leave me. Although he didn’t have time to teach me everything he wanted to, he told me that if I ever needed guidance, I should just think of what he would do. But in my fourteen years my Dad has already taught me many things. And not just skills, like how to shoot a gun, use a computer, or spackle a wall, but real life lessons.


我相信那兩個爸爸教給我的最重的學習是謙虛和感恩。他總是強調收到幫助回報和把它轉報到他人身上的重要性。即使是像朋友讓我搭便車送我回家這一件簡單的事，爸爸總是鼓勵我用讓人搭便車或是請人看電影來回報。特別是今年，他非常深深的感恩於每一個人的支持和幫助。有一天在車上，他告訴我，“伊莎貝兒，你知道，人們對我們真好，真的很好。” 他說這一句話的時候，眼眶裡含著眼淚，我可以明白每一個人的善良對他的意義有多大，還有他是如此的對人們支持我們家心存感激。當然，他接著告訴我當他走了以後，要由我來做這一切的回報。
I believe that the two most important lessons my dad has taught me are to be humble and be thankful. He has always put an emphasis on the importance of reciprocating favors and paying it forward. Even for favors as simple as getting a ride home from a friend, Dad always encouraged me to return the favor by offering a ride home or treating someone to the movies. Especially in this year, he was deeply thankful for everyone’s support and help. One day in the car, he told me, “Isabelle, you know, people have just been so nice. So nice.” He got teary when he said that, and I could see how much everyone’s kindness meant to him and how appreciative he was that people supported our family. Of course, he then followed by telling me that when he was gone, it would be up to me to return all the favors.


對我來說，爸爸教育永遠是第一順位。我五歲的時候，剛剛獲得Iolani學校的招收，我第一件從爸爸那裡學到的是我不富有，而且甚至還不是那麼聰明－我是幸運的。幸運可以就讀一所私立學校，幸運能擁有一個舒適的家和有愛的家庭。幸運能夠去到一些我同學從來沒去過的遠方旅遊。現在，我也長大了些，也許我還沒能像我應該是的更聰明一些，我感到了感恩。藉由爸爸的支持和鞭促我嘗試新事物，我已經接受到了一個好的教育，而且我在一個舒適的生活方式裡被撫養長大。爸爸常常對我說那一個他花了十年的時間終於發現他的爸媽是怎樣的為他犧牲讓他去唸一所好的學校的故事。我只希望我可以比那一個時間更快的能夠去感謝我的爸媽。我有最棒的朋友一直在我的身邊支持我。而且我也知道如果不是他們在我身邊我沒辦法熬過來。最重要的是，在我成長的時候，我有雙親在我身邊，因為這是和我同年齡的很多人當做理所當然，而一直要到失去了它才知道它的珍貴。我有感恩於能夠認識我的爸爸，和保存對他的回憶 －因為，老實說，這也是我接下來所僅有的了。
For me, my dad has always made education a priority. As a five year old, just accepted to ‘Iolani, one of the first things I learned from my dad was that I was not rich, and not even all that smart yet - I was lucky. Lucky to attend a private school, lucky to have a comfortable home and a loving family. Lucky to travel to far away places where some of my classmates had never been. And now, since I’m older, even though I might not necessarily be that much smarter, I feel thankful. I’ve received a good education, with my Dad always supporting me and pushing me to try new things, and I’ve been raised in a comfortable lifestyle. My dad often told the story of how it took him about ten years to finally realize how much his parents sacrificed for him to attend a good school, and I can only hope that I will be able to thank my parents sooner than that. I have the greatest friends who are always there to support me, and I know that I would not have been able to make it through this without them by my side. But most importantly, I am so thankful to have had both of my parents there with me when I grew up, because this is something that many people my age take for granted, but never realize how precious it is until it’s gone. I am also thankful to have been able to know my dad, and retain memories of him - because quite frankly, it’s all I’ll have for the rest of my life.


另外一個我從爸爸身上得到的人生重要學習是做多過說。這一個學習對我而言找不到更好的標題，就像這一句話說的，“你做你該做的.” 從爸爸的行動和決定中我觀察到了這一點, 而且它也幫我度過了過去的一年。爸爸一向拿手的的是知道什麼需要做到和去做它。過去這一年我觀察到這一個學習的最棒的例子。當爸爸被診斷出來，他馬上讓每一件事情井然有序，所以如果一但他走了，媽媽和我可以比較輕鬆的處理。從他被診斷出來開始，爸爸沒有一刻是活在否認或是懷疑裡。他勇敢的、不抱怨的就做了化療、放射性治療，因為如果他要好起來這是他需要做的簡單的事。跟著日子持續和他開始因癌症感到疼痛，他對吃止痛藥很固執。他特別不要吃太多的重藥，像是凡可丁止痛藥。我們很多人抱怨他頑固不明，像他的父親，我爺爺。爸爸他試著不吃太多的止痛藥是因為他想和我們在一起。他想要盡可能越久越好的能與朋友家人了解和溝通。雖然很多次他很不舒服，爸爸他做了讓他能保持清楚溝通理解的事。他接受了他的疾病和面對解決它，而且學習在這當中過一個人生，因為他接受了正發生在他身上的事，而且把他的能量和時間轉而將他剩下的時間花在家人和朋友身上。
Another important life lesson that my dad has taught me is one that I have learned more from his actions than words. For lack of a better title, this lesson is known to me as the one that states, “You do what you have to do.” I’ve observed this in my dad’s actions and decisions, and it has also helped me deal with this past year. Something my dad has always been good at is knowing what needed to be done and doing it. I have observed the greatest examples of this lesson this past year. When my dad was diagnosed, he immediately tried to get everything in order so that my mom and I would have an easier time managing if he ever passed on. From when he was diagnosed, I don’t think there was a time when Dad lived in denial or doubt. He went to his chemo and radiation treatments with a brave spirit and without complaint, because it was simply what he needed to do to get better. As the year continued and he started feeling pain from the cancer, he was really stubborn about taking pain medicine. He especially did not want to take too much of the heavier medicines, like Vicodin. Many of us complain that he was just plain hard headed, like his dad, my grandpa. But the reason why my dad tried not to take too many painkillers was because he wanted to stay with us. He wanted to be able to understand and communicate with friends and family for as long as possible. And although at many times he was in discomfort, my dad did what he had to do to stay lucid. He accepted his disease and came to terms with it, and learned to live life with it, because he accepted what was happening to him, and instead focused his energy and time on spending the remainder of his days with family and friends.


伯父說爸爸很勇敢，毫無疑問他是的。但我最崇拜爸爸的是他接受現實和往前的能力。2009年對我們家來說絕對不是一個好的年，但是爸爸趾高氣昂的拿下了它而且比我們大多數的人都更好的處理了他的癌症。但是我現在每一天早晨醒來要面對的現實是爸爸已經不在這裡了。雖然我知道他已經去了一個更好的地方，不再因為癌症而生病也不再受苦，它還是有些寂寞的。我知道，和你們一樣，我會想念我爸爸。我會懷念和他在KoKo頭農莊的射擊，玩二十一點時想要打敗他。我會懷念要他載我去Ala Moana，還有做功課時可以問他幫我。我肯定一定會懷念他的聲音，聽到他的笑聲。爸爸看不到我拿到駕照、上大學，和開始過我自己的生活了。爸爸不能在我十年、二十年後拌著我走上我的紅毯。但是即使他現在不在這裡－坐在第一排看著我的演說；他也不會在我們每一天回家的時候在那裡；他也不會在我未來人生的一些事發生的時候出現－雖然他現在人不在這裡，我知道爸爸永遠不會離開我。我怎麼知道的呢？因為，他自己是這麼告訴我的。而且大致上，爸爸是蠻能信守承諾的。我知道我不孤單，因為我知道我們會一直有我們朋友親戚的支持。爸爸留給了我很多的人生學習，所以我可以做對的決定。他也留給了我回憶，所以我不論到哪裡都可以記得他。不論我人生最後駐足在那兒，他會在那裡，看著我和保護我。而且我知道Keane Oka會永遠是我的爸爸，他會永遠的在這裡，我的心裡。永遠。謝謝你們。
My uncle says that my dad was brave, and no doubt he was. But what I admire most about my dad is his ability to accept reality and move on. 2009 has definitely not been a good year for our family, but Dad took it in stride and dealt with his cancer better than many of us did. But the reality I wake up to every morning now is that my dad isn’t here anymore. And although I know that he is in a better place, no longer sick from cancer and no longer suffering, it still gets a little lonely. I know that, along with many of you, I’m going to miss my dad. I’m going to miss shooting at Koko Head Range with him, and trying to beat him at blackjack. I’m going to miss asking him for rides to Ala Moana, and being able to ask him for help on my homework. I will definitely miss hearing his voice, and listening to his laughter. My dad won’t be able to watch me get my license, go off to college, and start my own life. My dad won’t be able to walk me down the aisle, ten, twenty years from now. But even though he isn’t physically here right now - he’s not in the front row, watching me speak; he won’t be there when we get home every day; and he won’t be there for the many future events in my life - even though he isn’t physically here, I know my Dad will never leave me. And how do I know that? Well, because he told me so himself. And generally speaking, Dad was pretty good about keeping his end of the bargain. I know that I am not alone, because I know that we will always be supported by our friends and relatives. Dad has left me many life lessons, so I can make the right decisions. He’s left me memories, so that I’ll always remember him wherever I go. He’s out there, watching over me and keeping me safe, no matter where I end up in life. And I know that Keane Oka will always be my dad, and that he is always right here, in my heart. Forever. Thank you.


Melinda告訴我伊莎貝兒讀這一篇文章的時候，她沒有哭。底下五百位聽的人都哭了。親愛的同學，希望我翻譯的還好。至少你可以有中文版讓你媽媽知道她的孫女而有多棒了！